Accepting the Status Quo of Thing

I’ve been working for my father who does basic contracting work for small to medium sized homes. We typically work on installing new bathrooms which means we buy a lot of shower doors in Essex County NJ. It’s not exactly the kind of work that I thought I would be doing now at 30 years old but I have come to appreciate it in some ways. I enjoy working with my hands but at the same time I’m not particularly thrilled about helping improve the bathrooms of clients. I’d rather be doing something else with my talent, if I even have any, but I’m admittedly at a loss as to what I could be doing instead.

Part of me has been considering going back to school. That’s a terrifying course of action to take; at 30 years old, am I even able to continue learning on an academic level? I fear that it has been so long since I did anything meaningful with my brain that I would have nothing but issues trying to get through some of the most basic of classes. Especially so with math! I’m awful at math and have never been able to ‘do it’ at all.

Yes, I am concerned about my future. I have no idea what is going to happen with me financially. I need to have a better plan but I don’t know if I have it in me. I fear going to school so much that the fear alone is no doubt the one thing that is going to prevent me from going. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I really do not think that I am in any position to improve it at this point. Perhaps I should just accept the way things are and get on with my life.

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